New Year

Honestly this year was filled with both good and bad, on one hand I'm glad to see it go but on the other I am not.  Lets start with the good things.  Turned 16 and got my drivers license, put on 2 really good shows with my friends/family in the theatre department, went to my first Warped Tour with one of my best friends Cameron and to this day that remains one of the best experiences of my life, there's just something about being in the crowd and seeing those bands in real life and feeling the energy (Already have tickets for 2015), Started working in the maze at Cherry Crest Adventure Farm, got to spend a week in England with some really great people, and I received a full ride scholarship to study here in France, something I wouldn't have been able to do without a scholarship so thanks again to Jenny and Mike.  I have a wonderful host family and friends here and all is going well.  The bad, because as The Doctor says  "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. Hey. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." This year I lost a very good friend, Dan, he will forever remain in my heart and the hearts of everyone who knew him.  He was the kind of person who literally had no hate in him, he just had love for anyone and everyone, he was the kind of person who I want to be.  After years of discord my parents finally split up which was hard for me to deal with, I also lost my Grandfather while I've been here in France which sucks majorly. So yeah, the good, the bad and the ugly, Even though I have left many people at home I feel that this year apart will only reveal who my true friends are, I miss them yes, but I know that I am going to be home in just 6 short months.  Happy New Year to everyone, peace and goodwill to all.

Money

There comes a time, after 4 months that you're putting away your socks in the drawer and under that pair of leggings you never wear you find your home countries money and suddenly you feel really weird.  You're standing there with these bills in your hand.  These pieces of paper that quite literally ruled your life and you realized that then and there they are absolutely worthless.  They have no purpose, they have no fonction to anyone else but you and even to you they have no value.  It throws life into perspective, a mini existential crisis arises and you have a funny feeling for the rest of the day.  We really are just little meat creatures on a ball of dirt and rock hurtling through the galaxy and our lives are controlled by little strips of paper that aren't even globally recognized.  Think that one over everyone.

Noël

Facing Christmas in your host country brings a lot of mixed emotions. Especially when you come from one of the most commercialized countries ever to a small town half way across the world. As much as you thank God you don't here Christmas music everywhere, you miss that Christmas spirit you've grown up knowing. Here the holidays are fairly quite, sure some decorations and a small Christmas tree but you just lack that certain Christmas feeling, there seems to be no hype at all. I've found myself longing for a live Christmas tree and some of Grammys Christmas cookies. It's not that it's worse here at all, the U.S. Takes Christmas way overboard but when you grow up with that and it's all you know a change to a bit more simplicity can be rough. Now to address the obvious elephant in the room. You miss your family like crazy, what should be the happiest time of the year turn into a whirlpool of emotions that leave you crying one minute and laughing the next. Though you're glad you can't go home for Christmas because it would be to hard to have to leave again. 

Breathing

I'm going to tell you something you might not realize. Your native language is as much a part of you as the voice you use to speak it.  It comes naturally to you.  When you talk to someone you don't have to think about how to say this, and how to use that, you just think about what to say which of course is relative to the conversation.  Being thrown into another language is like hitting a wall.  After 3 months your comprehension is getting to be "good" you can take tests and receive good grades, you understand classes (for the most part) but speaking, well thats a whole nother ball field.  You sound, an I quote my friend and former exchange student Kara, "Like a dying pikachu."  Laugh if you will but its true.  Especially coming into a language with masculine/feminine and a ton of rules.  Basically you know what you want to say but you don't remember until half an hour later and then you pretty much just face palm.  But you realize that hey you actually understood that and thats a weird and amazing thing. You know enough to talk to your friends and suddenly you're speaking english, not because you need to but only when you don't want others to know what you're saying.  Its a weird, difficult, and magical thing.

My Time

I've realised a few very important things lately.  I have no one to impress, nothing to prove, everything to gain and nothing to lose.  Call it an early New Year resolution if you want but its time to change.  That being said I've quit wearing makeup beyond mascara, I jog every day after school, I watch my portion sizes because let me tell you they eat a lot of food here, and I'm throwing myself into this language as hard as I can.  I got a new ear piercing, heck I might even get a tattoo (that was thoroughly laced with sarcasm, I'm terrified of needles and not getting a tattoo) Although I'm still haunted by the occasional nagging "what's the point of this whole exchange" thing I'm getting so much better at ignoring it and am very much enjoying myself.  Now if you'll excuse me, everyone else is taking their sunday nap so I'm going to marathon Bones.

Taste of Lancaster (if you're a vegetarian of vegan you might want to skip this one)

American cheese burgers and whoopie pies.  Okay mess made: huge.  Taste: Amazing.  Family reaction: Priceless.  Truth be told the whoopie pies turned out to be huge, and I had some help from Papa with whipping/thickening the icing.  Now with the burgers, or should I say heart attacks, haha.  They turned out to be about an inch and a half thick, seasoned with "Steakhouse" spices, topped with 2 slices of cheese.  Toasted buns which fries on the bottom, burger and then 3 pieces of amazing bacon.  Let me tell you they were probably the best burgers I've had, everything tastes so much better when you're missing it.  Tomorrow I finish making the rest of the whoopie pies and finish cleaning.  Oh and I probably made enough batter to make like 3 cakes so, yeah, the neighbors are gonna get some too.

A New Normal

While this past week has brought a flood of emotions, personally the way AFS handled a small issue to me back to square one, but I soon realized that none of you back home would want me to miss you to the point that I feel miserable.  It's a hard thing being thrown into somewhere that you have no clue whats going on.  I honestly felt like I was unprepared and have had a hard time coping.  I've admitted things that I would have never said before.  I am scared, I am not strong, I need help, I am just human.  Its taken a lot for me to say those things.  I have grown so much as a person in this month and a half.  Yesterday for the first time listening to class being taught in French sounded normal, I didn't understand it but it felt normal.  Life is hard sometimes, it's ok to be sad but to wallow in misery does nothing for anyone.  I've been blessed with other AFSers close to me, just this morning Zoey and I waved to each other out our window.  And while we might be a bit behind in the area of learning French, I would rather have my sanity an happiness then misery.  Honestly without them I'd be back in PA right now.  We've really started to buckle down to speak only French.  It's not easy but we have some awesome friends to help us. The world is so much grander than you can ever imagine, so much bigger and more amazing than anyone can fathom.

Une

A month ago today I landed in Paris. This month has had its lows. It's had its highs but it's taught me a lot. 2 more months and I should be able to hold a conversation. While I still miss home I love accepted that and am able to function on a daily basis. So please don't worry about me. I'm having fun. I love life. I love France

*Insert Expletive Here*

Tonight my parents asked to Skype with me together, odd seeing as they're separated but the said they wanted to meet my host parents. Okay cool. Right after I introduce my 11 year old brother they drop the worse bomb that I was fearing. My grandfather is dead. Having never met my fathers dad Poppy, as I fondly call him, was ultimately the best grandfather anyone could have. He didn't say much but he was very smart and a brilliant mechanic. I loved going fishing wit him and as I sit here writing this the fact that I will never do that again hit my line a ton of bricks. I should have stayed home. I knew he didn't have long but I thought maybe he could make it until I came home. 283 days to short. He had stage 4 esophageal cancer but they said it was possible he could live with it. Mon said everyone was there with him when he passed and the fact that I wast kills me. I can't go to the funeral which hurts more. He told my mom that he wanted me to stay here and keep studying and I'm so thankful that I went to see him one more time before I left. You think that you know the pain of losing a loved one. Uncle, friend, but then you lose one when you are literally half way across the world and you can't do anything and it brings a whole new level of pain. 

Vendredi Finally

10 hour school days suck majorly.  Whoever thought of them should be guillotined (french revolution pun).  After this week I'm so glad that my host family said that Saturday is sleep in day!  I'm still super homesick but I'm hoping that will go away.  My friends back home have been super supportive (if you're one of those people reading this I love you)  I'm in Spanish and Italian now, yay. But I am in a super cool art class that I'm really looking forward to.  Well its been a long week and I need to sleep.

Maybe....

Today was good. Wednesday we only have two hours of class. Sadly one of the is an upper level Spanish in which I have no idea what is going on. Thankfully I have 2 other AFSers in my classes and one of them is from Mexico. There's 7 of us total and 5 of us who all speak English all hangout together. Two of them speak both English and French very well. They are godsends. There is also another girl a year ahead who went to Russia and speaks near perfect English she's pretty awesome too.  My liaison is great and my family is as well. I really miss my dad. I think it's because it's just me and him and I kinda feel like I've abandoned him, also because I'm totally a daddy's girl. I need American lined paper now. Here it's all grided and busy and I hate it. They eat a lot here but I never can finish anything. The clock rings at the hour and then 5 past. Tradition. I'm hoping this becomes easier as can understand the language. The kids at school are very quiet. They say it's because they don't speak English but I'm not so sure. Spanish first thing tomorrow. We go to school from 8-6 with 1-2 hour breaks. It's not ideal but it's ok. I miss really stupid things. My bed, my bathroom, American food, ice, being able to drive places. I would kill for a bacon cheeseburger and old bay fries from this little place called Rosie's near my house in America. I have fully come to the conclusions that America needs to stress language learning, and get on the metric system.  The representation of American music is all crappy pop. No rock, folk, not even country. It's kinda sad. Oh well. Au revoir. 

Ugh

Well I attempted my first day of school and left halfway through class. I'm tired and th mere thought of school makes me sick at my stomach let alone being there I felt like I was going to through up. I'm not hungry and I can't understand anything. Everyone says it's normal but I'm becoming to dread 10 months of this. My host family is great but I just can't handle school. I want to go home but then I'll be that girl who couldn't take being abroad. I feel like this exchange is become pointless. What am I doing but distance myself from my loved once and stressing myself out so much I get sick. Is it really worth that? 

What I've Learned So Far Is....

1: The food is amazing
2: French people speak quietly
3: Italians are very pretty and loud
4: When you drive on the highway people rarely use their blinkers
5:  I know less French than I though
6: I miss my dad.
7: I miss my bed
8: Carrying 80+ pounds of luggage is horrid
9: I'm exhausted.

Paris

Well me made it Paris with all of the other exchange students from everywhere. I'm 6 hours ahead of my home town. I've made a lot of friend who are really awesome and I'm sorta sad to leave them tomorrow. Bus at 7:50 and some sort of really long. TGV ride. We toured the Tour Eiffel today and saw some other sights. Paris is set up beautifully and the whiteness of the buildings stones give it a brightness. 

Thank You

Today I was extremely privileged to get to meet the people who are paying for me and about 29 others to go abroad this year.  Without them, I wouldn't be going.  I also got to meet the wonderful Natalie and Aidan who have just returned from a year in France.  I just want say thank you to Jenny and Mike for providing the many opportunities for not only me but so many others to go and another thank you to all of the returnees who have imparted their wisdom on us.

Host Family

T-minus 35 days until I land in Paris and I now have a host family.  I'll be staying with the Rouveure's in a small town south of Annonay and Lyon called Roiffieux.  I'll have a brother and sister, 11 and 7 respectively which is going to be a totally new experience because I am an only child.  I'd like to thank my family for hosting me and I'm looking forward to meeting them.  I also get to meet the people who gave me the scholarship on Sunday so big thanks there too.  I'm not really a person who gets nervous but through this whole process I have been.  This is huge step for me and I'm soooooooo excited to spend the next 10 months of my life in southern France

Testing, testing

Having never traveled outside of the Eastern Seaboard many are surprised that I'm going to be spend 10 months in France.  I mean I've never even flown before and the most foreign experience I've had is encountering tourists at work.  That changes tomorrow.  I leave on a late night flight to England for 8 days.  I've manged to squeeze everything I'll need into my suit case but I have a feeling I'll want a bigger one in a few months.  I'm even doing a mini exchange and going to school in Blackburn for a day.  So this is me getting a bit of exposure to the world and hoping that I don't get sick on the flight.
                                       

Visas

While I'm still waiting on a host family I have begun the arduous task of beginning my Visa paperwork.  It feels like I'm drowning.  I need so many copies of this, that done a certain way and the other thing translated.  If you've ever had a visa before you know what I'm talking about. Its a pain in the neck.  It's also going to cost me about 200 dollars and a trip down to DC towards the end of July.  Oh and I can't even complete it before I have my host family.  Out of our local group 50% have been placed.  Sadly I'm not in that 50% but I'm hoping it will come soon.  So here's to a day of printing, paperwork and probably a healthy dose of screw ups and re dos.

It's Official

Well here we go, it is finally starting to sink in because as of Thursday I am officially going to France!!!!  All of this wouldn't be possible without the lovely people from the Speedwell foundation who are paying for me to have this wonderful experience.  As I start to count down the days until I leave I still can't really believe I'm going.